The Mother of All Gooses

As I was lying on the floor of my daughter's room this afternoon, playing "Cinderella Felt Book Story Time" and quite enjoying myself putting the horses inside the ballroom dancing with the evil step-sisters who were also being attacked by the pack of mice who had made Cinderella's first dress before the wicked step-mother tore it all to shreds. What were we talking about? Oh, yes, this afternoon. As I was playing with my daughter, I looked at the bookshelf in her room and my attention was drawn to the bottom shelf. That's the place where the "Big books" reside. The books that are big enough to cause permanent damage if they are taken off the upper shelves by a child who unsuspectingly thinks, "Hey, I want to read that book!", then pulls out the 32 lb. book onto their head. I looked down there and saw a book titled The Real Mother Goose. I took it out and causually browsed through it. Who was this Mother Goose? A friendly old woman living in Sombertown in the late 17th century who collected these thoughts as she played with the village children? An imaginary person, created by parents who couldn't explain where these sweet little poems came from, so they created her in their children's mind? Well, after having read through some of the lesser known nursery rhymes, I am convinced that she's a witch. That's right, a witch. We're talking full blown Salem type stuff here. Look at the way she dresses. Sure, she looks like a cute old woman, holding a goose, all in her best calico dress. Maybe someone you know and love, maybe someone you would take a cookie from. But what nice grammy do you know wears a pointy hat? Take a look at this version of her:
or this one:

Are you with me here? And that is only half the evidence, your honor. I call my next witness to the stand, Mr."Nursery Rhymes". These stories speak volumes, and none of these have been altered. Reader discretion is advised.

The Man in Our Town

There was a man in our town,
And he was wonderous wise,
He jumped into a bramble bush,
And scratched out both his eyes;
But when he saw his eyes were out,
With all his might and main,
He jumped into another bush,
And scratched 'em in again.

Now, goodnight, Billy......You've got to be kidding me! Snuggle up with this one:

Jerry Hall

Jerry Hall, he was so small,
A rat could eat him, hat and all.

Think you'll be able to turn the hall light out for a week after reading that one to the kids?

Cry, Baby

Cry, baby, cry,
Put your finger in your eye,
And tell your mother it wasn't I.

"What a cute little baby, too bad about the pirate patch."

Here's a familiar one that maybe we don't know all the verses to.

Sing a Song of Sixpence

Sing a song of sixpence, a pocket full of rye;
Four-and-twenty blackbirds baked in a pie!
When the pie was opened the birds began to sing;
Was not that dainty dish to set before the king?

The king was in his counting-house, counting out his money;
The queen was in the parlor, eating bread and honey.

The maid was in the garden, hanging out the clothes;
When down came a blackbird and snapped off her nose.

That's a good one for the kids that like to play in the back yard.

There was an Old Woman

There was an old woman who lived in a shoe.
She had so many children she didn't know what to do.
She gave them some broth without any bread.
She whipped them all soundly and put them to bed.

That one is usually followed by the sentence, "So be glad there are only 4 of you."

I have come up with a couple myself that I thought I would try out here. I'm just starting, mind you, and these are a little rough, but tell me what you think.

The Scissor Cry

Bobby went a running
on down the castle stairs,
he had a pair of scissors
to cut the sheet in pairs.
Upon the last step waited
a plastic little gun,
he tripped and took his fingers off
and now he has but one.

This one is still a little bit of a work in progress:

Old Man in my Closet

Mother, Father, come quickly, there is an old man in my closet!
Silly Billy, 'tis no such thing, go back to sleep at once.

I feel like that one needs one more rhyme in there, but it get's the point across. Last one, and this one I like a lot:

Where is Peter's Python?

Where is Peter's Python, so long and strong?
He's hiding in your bedroom, so stay in bed 'til dawn.
Why must I stay in bed? I need a cup of water.
Because he'll squeeze your legs so tight your toenails will shoot off.

I have a bunch more, but I am trying to decide if I want them to be posted just yet. I have had a couple of calls from Shel Silverstein as well, it seems he's interested in some of my work. Feel free to add any you know or write, I find it very therapeutic to do so.