All those willing to admit eating here, please stand....

You would think at first glance I may be beginning a post that pokes a little fun at our well-known, often mocked and seldomly attended buffet friend, but you must know that I am standing while I am typing this. Yes, that's right. I am a 35-year-old, caucasian, with a beautiful wife, 4 wonderful children, a little slice of suburbia, arthritis in my knee, 2 car garage and I am standing before you as a post buffet attendee. Prior to this weekend, the closest I have been in 25 years to a buffet was Jimmy. I have become more sanitation conscious in my mid-30s and therefore tend to avoid the places where many, many people may be touching my silverware, plates, muffins, salad tongs, etc. I think it came with the increased usage of that wonderful invention, sanitation gel. You know, the stuff that is basically rubbing alcohol in toothpaste form. I mean, before we started using it you were fine as long as you washed up before supper, right? That's when all the germs accumulated and congregated on your hands, right before mealtime. Its like they were lining up to eat, too. There was never any worry about where your hands and/or fingers were inbetween the time you helped birth calves and supper. No sir, the minute we started dousing our hands with sani-gel my mind began to be much more conscious of those "no-see-ums" and a buffet seemed like a germ convention. Let me set the stage here a little for you. My bride and I took the van filled with our off-spring down to the Provo Marriott for a little night away. What, you've not travelled to Provo for a vacation? Well, my friend, there are many things you are missing out on. We happened to be staying the same weekend as the "Dance Mania" convention. It's the largest gathering of pre-teen, teen, post-teen, post-post-teen dance maniacs in the tri-state area. Quite the show. It was evident when we were checking in there was something exciting happening, and sure enough, the dancers were in town. By the way, ever checked into a hotel, gotten your key, packed everything up the elevator, kids in tow, gotten to the door, opened it with a big "Tada!!!" and had a man lying on your bed, watching T.V.? We have. Who says there's nothing exciting going on in Provo?

After a small room adjustment, we were off to the pool. Hotel pools are great, towels neatly folded for you to use, and they are pretty vacant for the most part. This was no acception. Except that we found out why they were vacant when we got there. "Warning: Due to the Chlorosporidium outbreak the Utah State Health Department has issued a ban on all public swimming pools for those swimmers under the age of 5, blah blah blah." Nah, Allie looks 5, I think were okay. Into the pool we went. A bit chilly, a little boring with no pool toys or goggles (a slight oversight in packing). Jodi has the idea to check out the outdoor pool. Of course, that's where the crowd is, I thought. So out we go, onto this walkway that leads us behind the backs of these other buildings, it was like we were breaking into the hotel pool eventhough we were still on the hotel property. The outdoor pool was also vacant. But the water was perfect. So there we swam, all by ourselves, and we loved it. Back to the room to shower and get some dinner, "We're starving!!".

Where to go, where to go. Jodi thought to find a totally Provo place, like not a chain, to give us the complete out-of-town experience. Good idea, but nothing was materializing. Then we saw it. We looked at each other, both expecting the other to say, "Just kidding", but, no. We weighed the possibilities, "buffet style dinning" on one hand, "kids who would have a better time than if they were at Disneyland" on the other. Sometimes the things you do as parents is like standing at the top of that double black diamond ski run thinking, "Wow, this could really be a yard sale at the bottom of the hill, but hey, at least we're together." And then you edge forward, tips down, and....

It was everything we thought it would be, and better. Better, in the first place, because there was a good mix of people there. Not to place any kind of judgement on buffet eaters, there may be many of you out there and I appreciate your patronage here and do not intend to offend. But I have to admit that there was occasionally a look I was getting from people that kind of said, "Hey, there's lots of normal people here, we're okay, I'm okay!" But then I was brought back to reality by the 7 year old girl dispensing the soft serve ice cream directly onto her hand. But I will tell you, our kids were in heaven! Absolute heaven. Save your money, save your airfare. I am convinced that kids want little black hats with a wagon on top, not mouse ears. They thought they had died. Anything they want to eat, and all they can eat! It was the feast on Christmas morning in Who-ville. And to be honest, the food was not that bad. 100 times better than we remembered it from childhood. And we were most impressed with the quick way that they rotated the food. Now, now - we're not heading back any time soon. I can only take 1 sani-gel bath per year according to my prescription. But for a memory making weekend and a pack of hungry kids, we're proud to say we rounded the wagons and settled down for a meal at the 'Chuck'.